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  • Writer's pictureKatie Boer

Dementia Diaries: 'I don't want to die'

Dementia Diaries: 03/20/2018 -- A very tearful evening talking in the car with my mother before returning her back to memory care.


Flat out lied to my mom tonight. I told her I wasn’t scared. And that she shouldn’t be either. I NEVER imagined I’d be in my own rock bottom, pretending actually to BE the ROCK for the strongest person I’ve ever known—who’s reduced to this—because of dementia.

My mom was brought to tears this afternoon telling me:

"I have this lurking demon inside of me. And every time I let him go then I feel worse then I did before."

My mom is still at the stage where she KNOWS she has dementia. She understands something is wrong with her--but she doesn't quite understand what is happening or why.

**This is a VERY SMALL preview of our two hour parking lot conversation tonight after she begged me not to take her back inside to memory care.**

***While I appreciate the encouragement, accolades aren’t what this is about. This isn’t easy. I lose my patience. My POINT in documenting my mother’s struggle is so that people (especially younger generations) SEE the real face of early on-set dementia; because as THEIR parents are living longer... there is still is no cure.***

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