Dementia Diaries: Sunsets & Stuck Clothing
Dementia Diaries: 03/10/19
Caught a beautiful sunset setting behind the Olympics tonight. It was nice moment to watch the ferries with Momma Boer but it’s been a rough month for her and I.
She had a fall earlier this afternoon. Probably because I noticed her underwear was around her knees and her pajamas were stuck inside her pants (sorry friends, but I spare you a LOT of other worse details about this disease). Last time I dropped her off at memory care the poor caregivers were actually consoling ME... I was a sobbing, blubbery mess after she was totally belligerent and yelled at me. Just broke my heart.
For the first year to maybe year and a half I saw her probably every other day. But lately I’ve been cutting back. It’s just too hard. Last week I honestly felt like “What’s the point in all this? Is she still getting something out of this? I feel like she doesn’t even remember if I come and go”. And my aunt reminded me of something really powerful the doctors said when they first diagnosed her. It was along the lines of—She may not be able to recall an outing, but she’ll still experience those good feelings in the moment.
I’ve taken her to Edmonds for a long time (although Mukilteo has always been her favorite) and she’s always noticed the trains going by, gets irritated by punk kids blaring music too loud, or “sees” sea lions (sometimes it’s hard to tell because she does actually spot them on occasion).
Today though, she was somewhere else. Just staring off and picking at the sandwich I got her. Like an empty body just sitting there. Not as talkative, which is wild because she hasn’t been able to shut up for the past two weeks). Lewy Body Dementia is wild. It’s a roller coaster of behavior one week and a week or two later it’s the complete opposite.
Mukilteo is and always will be her *favorite spot* but I think when she passes this will be mine. I didn’t come here much before dementia, but since she was diagnosed, it’s kinda been our place.
This wasn’t meant to be a long post. Guess I just started pouring my heart out. Thanks for listening.
Tomorrow or later this week (or maybe tomorrow) I have to talk to you guys about Discovery 2019: A regional Alzheimer's conference I was just invited to attend. Absolutely incredible. The topics really surprised me and I have to pass in what I learned.